We publish here the touching testimony of one of the thousands of pedophiles’ girlfriends, spouses, companions, who contact us to better understand their loved one and help him cope with his troubles. In a world more and more engorged with cynicism and indifference, it is primordial to remember that love exists and it can conquer the worst obstacles.
Thank you for last week phone call and for your time. I had called to gain a better understanding so I could give the best support to my companion suffering because of his pedophile tendencies.
Going through your site and also during my own reflections and researches, it seemed more and more obvious to me that I had to support your work from my standpoint: that of a member of the intimate social circle of a pedophile person.
I will therefore offer my testimony, anonimously at first as my companion isn’t yet ready to perfom what we might call his “coming-out”.
How could he, in a society that doesn’t accept neither different sexualities or deviances, or even mental health issues? In this moralizing, rule-imposing, homophobic, misogynistic, psychophobic (and I’m biting my tongue) environment where there is no place for people outside the norm?
And yet my companion is beyond the norm. Not just because of his tendencies. He is because of his extraordinary intelligence, sensitivity and open mind.
His sexuality is what it is, because it is beyond him.
Did you choose, ladies and gentlemen, your heterosexuality? Did you know that homosexuality isn’t registered in the DSM and so it isn’t considered a pathology anymore?
I know that pedophilia and other paraphilias, on the other hand, are. But what makes my companion sick, his sexuality or the fact he can’t actually live it?
It’s from the impossibility of living this aspect of his sexuality that the suffering emerges. Partly because of the huge emotional and sexual frustration abstinence causes, and also from the sensation of not being able of being himself.
You read correctly: abstinence. For life. As my companion is a pedophile, not a pedosexual. Which means he forbids himself from acting out. He knows, thanks to his afore-mentioned qualities, that children aren’t wired for relationships with adults, and how much those can be destructive to them.
To quote him, he’d rather slit his wrists than act out.
Often a pedophile can truly love children. I know, that irks you. And when he loves them, destroying them would mean destroying himself.
Educate yourself. The more informed you’ll be, the less you’ll harbor prejudice. You will then be more capable to protect and inform your children. With less prejudice, you allow pedophiles to exist without being marginalized and isolated. Existing means being regarded as a human being, with its strength and weakness. It means sharing and finding the resources necessary to get help.
My companion isn’t just a pedophile. That is only a part of his sexuality and his emotional life (yes, he has feelings…). He isn’t a pedosexual. He isn’t a psychopath nor a pervert.
Why is there a hotline for abused childs but not for sexually troubled adults? There aren’t any real structures to support and counsel abstinent pedophiles. All the effort is always only about re-offending.
We wait for the fall of the adult and often of the victim as well, before providing help. To destroy the presumed pervert we created an even more perverse system…
Will we act now or will we wait for more suicides and rapes?
Thank you for reading,
The girlfriend of an abstinent pedophile